What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
