Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
