Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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