I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
