so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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