Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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