What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
