Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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