if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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