I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
