I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
