Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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