There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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