you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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