Umm I'm too high to move.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
