I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
