Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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