May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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