I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
