this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
