I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
