Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just had sex on a roof
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
