My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
