he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
