I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
