im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
