her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my shit smells like andre
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
