you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
