he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Your dad touched me again.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
