theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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