margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
