does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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