this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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