I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
