Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You can't motorboat a personality
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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