Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
my liver is dry heaving
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
