i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
