I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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