I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
