YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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