Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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