No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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