Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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