she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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