In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
