The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You smell like stripper and shame
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
