ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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