Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
