Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
