I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
