He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
