I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
