I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
