i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
