I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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