If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
