singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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