You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
