6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
