I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
