I can text with my tongue
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
They are going to name an STD after you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
