the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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