I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
