Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
