I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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