I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
