fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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