I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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