I want to have your abortion
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Moan for me like Helen Keller
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
